im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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