you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
