dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
