Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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