When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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