you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
