you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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