I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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