im about as happy as oj after his trial
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
