just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize