i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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