If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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