Cold hands, warm shart.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
