1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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