Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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