Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
