is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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