Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
