You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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