My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
