He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
