I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You were trust falling into bushes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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