Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i out mim tonsoeep
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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