I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The power of my boobs compel you
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
