My brain says no but my pants say off.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
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What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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