It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I could make wine with my vomit
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
