First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
