Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
