Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
