so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
