Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my sisters under your porch take her home
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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