just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
