He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
