Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
