I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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