I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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