it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
