the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
