Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
