hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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