Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
