a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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