Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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