I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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