peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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