my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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