does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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