how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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