Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
