Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
