SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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