oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
