Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
