Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
