apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
