I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
