I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
