i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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