its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
