i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
