I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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