But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
try to milk me bitch
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